Day One

View from my new office
The view from my new office.

No one knows how they got to the top of the hill.
Since we’re only here for a while, might as well show some style.
Isn’t it a lovely ride? Sliding down. Gliding down.
Try not to try too hard, it’s just a lovely ride.

—James Taylor, Secret ‘O Life

At 55 and at the pinnacle of career success, I realized I needed out not up, less not more. I couldn’t do it one more day. So I did it for six more months, setting myself up financially to exit my job as vice president of marketing at a college.

I used to tell my team members to “trust your gut” but I had been ignoring mine a very long time. The turning point? The morning I sobbed the entire way to work…and could not stop.

It seems to me there are two very different kinds of work challenges. One kind requires you to grow and expand who you are…the other to diminish or reduce yourself. Tackling them may initially feel the same, calling upon the same ingenuity and discipline, intelligence or grit, but they are not the same.

Here’s a clue: Are you invigorated by the energy invested…or depleted? My big job with its big salary and big title had started to require me to become smaller. Over time it caused me to mute my voice. Avoid conflict at whatever cost.

There was a cost. I finally listened to my gut that morning when the floodgates opened. Get out.

I missed my kids too. I missed chunks of their days. Everything was compartmentalized, squeezed into Outlook calendar entries. Each week was a different carpool arrangement, finding moms or dads to pick up and drop off. I came home late, too tired to cook, resentful of the scarcity of time and energy. My daughter was struggling through Middle School social issues and problems I had missed. Teens don’t just tell you what’s going on in their hearts on your timetable. Your antenna needs to be tuned in to the nuanced signals they send. My antenna had collapsed.

Nothing felt like a lovely ride.

So I have bought myself time. The funds may only last for a couple of years. But I hope what I gain will stay with me my whole life. I escaped from something that over time caused me damage. Now I will take the time to figure out why…and what really matters…what makes my soul expand.

I have these two great kids, a very good man as my husband and partner…and wonderful family and friends supporting me…on my great escape.

What would you do if you just had the luxury of more free, truly free time?