I don’t post much on Facebook anymore because my kids are almost 20 and their stories and pictures are theirs to share. I don’t have as many of my own stories these days and no one wants to know what I ate for breakfast. (Ok, I had eggs and avocado.)
It’s harder than I expected, this second year with them gone. The pandemic gave us six bonus months together. I wish we had made more of the time. We just existed together, trying not to get on each others’ nerves with little to do and nowhere to go.
They are back where they belong now. This morning I am playing Harry Styles’ Fine Line at full volume. I didn’t know this album was sad.
I miss them. Not sure why. All they did was tease me and sleep until 3 pm. Sure, they fill up a house with their laughter and singing and secret twin language —only now it’s TikTok references that Scott and I don’t get.
Empty Nesting is hard, not because two 18-year olds leave home at once. Yes, that’s hard but they should leave home. The whole world belongs to them now.
It’s hard because they also take with them the 3-year old who needed you to tie his shoes and the 8-year old who looked for you in the carpool line and the 15-year old who still called you Mommy. They are still in there somewhere.
I miss them all so much. They grow up and look forward. We grow old and look back. We go from being the protagonist in our life stories to the supporting character to the unseen narrator remembering all that was.
Lucy's Great Escape 
You are such a great writer, Lucy and you write from the heart. What you say makes so much sense — what does your heart do with a whole new and different meaning of your role in their lives, what it means to be a mother, and that less clear image of that part of your identity after so many years? I believe you are right — the 3 year old, 8 year old, 15 year old probably never go completely away. They are the ones calling at 3:30am about fruit or what to do when locked out! You will always be ‘Mommy’ — even when they have their own families! Now, you and they have space to explore even more of who you are and want to be in this new chapter.
LikeLike
Thank you Dawn. I appreciate you. I hadn’t had much of a chance to really experience the Empty Nest with the plumbing leak and all the remodeling then the pandemic. It’s hard to figure out that new normal just yet. It’s coming. And yes, you’re right…I’ll gladly take those middle of the night texts seeking reassurance.
LikeLike